hello…
I don’t think I will ever give you this but I really just need to get this out of the way and off of my mind. You hurt me. Better yet, you destroyed me. Worst of all, I still love you. For so long, I wanted you to realize how much you lost and when you finally did this spring…oh how I wanted to fulfill your desires. I love you so much that it hurts. I see the pictures with you and your girlfriend now and it’s not just jealousy I feel, I’m envious. That was supposed to be me. We were supposed to be together. Me and you. Forever. But then you had to go and mess everything up. How oculd you do that to me? Your best friend…I trusted you. Gave you everything I had to offer and you threw it all away like it was nothing. I’m not nothing…my heart is not nothing and that is exactly how you treated it. Like it was nothing. Was it worth it? A few nights of fun with a random girl? Worth destroying everything we had…I didn’t think so. Now, although you may regret it, you did it again. You threw me away for a girl that you never or rarely saw. Your best friend! You just left me! How dare you? How could I have forgiven you? I know the answer to that actually. I forgave you because 1. it wasn’t worth my time to be mad anymore.
2. I had to just try not thinking about you.
3. I wanted you to be mine…
and finally, probably the most important reason
4. I loved you. Always have, always will. If I could go back in time, I would. Back to before you and dated Courtney. Back to before you dated Tayler. Back that far….to 8th grade. And I would just say it… I. Love. You. And if you didn’t feel the same way, I would’ve moved on. Just like that. You bounce back much quicker as a child. I would’ve been fine. Not damaged like I am now. Not jealous or envious. I might have been normal…now don’t get me wrong, I love Pat. I really do. You’re just my first love. I think, as much as I want to hate you, I can’t. Pat is who I’m IN love with but I will, at least a part of me, always love you. Always and forever.
But right this second. I hate you. I hate what you did to me. I hate how I feel. I hate that I can’t give myself to Pat like I did to you because I’m afraid of being hurt. How could you?
How could you…
